Before I begin this week’s topic I’d like to let you know that I’m switching Irrational Irritations to fortnightly instead of weekly. I’m trying to develop a more regular schedule for the blog, and as much as I enjoy writing these little posts up I’m finding they’re taking up time I could be spending on other posts and the odd sketch (I haven’t added a drawing to a post in a while). So yeah, next post is in a fortnight. Provided I remember. Not the best at remembering, am I? But I should.

Anyway, this week is people who block escalators.

We’ve all been there. Running late for work or a train or a court date, bounding onto an escalator to give our loping* stride a bit of extra speed without needing to become any sweatier (don’t wanna give those jurors the wrong impression, do we?) but then we get halfway up and there they are. The bastards. Sometimes one of them spread-eagled between the moving rubbing railings like they’re life’s goal is to become a ticket booth. Sometimes its a couple or more, side by side, chatting about something inane and leaving just enough of a gap to make you think you can get through, only to stick out a leg at the last moment and force you to come to a halt, lest you trip and fall upon the jagged travelling steps and join the alarming number of Chinese people killed by escalators. And you say “excuse me” and “can I get through” and occasionally add a please on to the end, ’cause you’re a nice person and like to be polite, but they just ignore you or block you out. So you stand there for the extra thirty seconds it takes to get to the top/bottom. Thirty seconds you could have spent hearing the last of the morning meeting, catching that train, or hearing the opening statements from your defence. Missed now, because of this arsehole in front of you.

Now, not everyone who blocks the escalator is doing something wrong of course. You get people who’ve been shopping, maybe bought a new TV or something that comes in a box four times its size, and try as they might they just can’t shift this fucking thing far enough to the side where other people can pass by safely. Or you get parents with their children strung out around them, keeping a close eye on their young since what kid doesn’t love being an idiot on an escalator (they’re moving stairs for Spongebob’s sake, if that ain’t witchcraft I don’t know what is). That’s cool random parent, you keeping your kids safe and under control is more important than me getting to the top/bottom slightly faster. And I’m sure that juries like me better when I don’t trample children on my way to see them.

But everyone else, stick to the left/right (whatever side is appropriate in your country of residence) and let the faster people pass.

I’ll talk to you guys soon. And remember, don’t be an arsehole.

*I don’t find opportunities to use the word ‘loping’ very often. Let me have this, okay?